Don’t sit in dark being scared of showing who you are and what you are capable of becoming. You ever listen to Touch by July Talk on a stormy night, going down the street at 100km/hr. That’s what it feels like to truly say fuck other people. I don’t even feel the desire to make sense anymore, this is not how to guide but a see through me guide. If I carefully choose what I say to make sure you understand first before letting all my thoughts down on paper, I lose the emotion, I lose the art, you need to feel me. You don’t need to understand me, but you need to at least try and feel what I’m saying. I may not be a good guy all the time, but if I lose the darkness, I lose the light, if what I’m doing doesn’t hurt me, it doesn’t matter much to me if it scares some people away. I like having and intensity to my personality, an edge, something that can hurt you if you’re not careful, but I want you to feel me. Feel me fucking feel me, my inhibitions are gone, and my soul is unrestricted.

I’m from hell but my heart is fragile, not doing stops you from failing but the biggest risk is not saying and expressing what’s there because you stop feeling. I stopped saying for a long time and I stopped feeling the emotions and my life became a flatline while I’m still alive. I don’t care if you don’t get it, but this is just pure expression rather than pure intellectualism. How can someone understand the suffering of other people if they never understood it themselves. I don’t believe in becoming emotional, but I believe in controlling it and allowing yourself to feel the depths of yourself and try to understand the depths of another person.

A line from a U2 song, a heart that is broken is a heart that is open. I remember hearing that for the first time and thinking what the fuck is Bono talking about, being the individual that I am, I decided to analyze that one line. A straight forward meaning is that a broken heart has cracks allows feelings to metaphorically flow in. On a deep thought it means you need to be willing to go through pain, you need to allow yourself to break, you may not rise like a phoenix but you start to understand your emotions and through understanding yourself you can develop empathy to understand others. Your cracks let you see the cracks in other people. Being a great lover or friend is about the other person and as you get out yourself by understanding another person’s struggles and realize they have a life just like you. If you duct tape your cracks, yes it covers it up but then nothing can come in and there will forever be a void a dark abyss.

Your feelings and mind is a rabbit hole that needs to be shattered to be fully experienced and utilized.